I had a funny conversation with Alison today about why people who are prone to melancholy feel the desire to wander or roam. She pointed to me to this poem that a mutual friend of ours showed to her. The Wanderer, and its interesting how I can identify with a few of the areas. (Granted, this was obviously written some time ago and times have changed). And she brought up the ‘greener pastures’ idea. Perhaps, but here are some of my thoughts.

The thoughts of a wanderer…

An interesting part of me that some people either; recognize and understand, recognize and don’t understand, don’t recognize and understand (oddly enough), or are completely oblivious. Is, that I’m never happy ‘here’ and I’m always looking to go ‘there’. Sometimes ‘there’ is a place, a time, or a being. But regardless, its never ‘here’. The problem with going ‘there’ is that once I’m there, its then ‘here’ and I feel the urge to find another ‘there’ shortly after arriving at ‘here’. I don’t think I’d be where I am today if this wasn’t a part of who I am. I’d probably be back at some old ‘here’ landing where ever my decisions and life put me. But, instead I followed the path of ‘there’.

For some friends this behavior is completely incomprehensible. It causes confusion and misunderstanding for which I deeply apologize to them. For others, they get it, or know that its not important that I’m not content with staying ‘here’ with them and that at some point our ‘theres’ will intersect and all will be good again. Sometimes when I’m on a journey I don’t think to let people know where I am. If that makes me inconsiderate, then I apologize. Its nothing personal, its just who I am. I accept my friends for who they are, I can only hope they all do the same for me.

But back to the topic of ‘here’ and ‘there’. It is very unlikely that I will ever be happy just being ‘here’, and I’ll be happiest going ‘there’. It doesn’t mean I’ll be happy when ‘there’ becomes ‘here’, but that I’ll be happy making the journey. Whether that journey is physical, intellectual, spiritual, or emotional. For me its the journey, its the new experience. It probably explains the issues with my relationships, because at some point I was ‘here’ too long and I couldn’t figure out how to get both of us ‘there’. Or, perhaps our ‘theres’ were not the same, thus our paths diverted. There is nothing wrong with that but unfortunately it leads to more misunderstanding and unhappiness of most parties involved.

So, my parting thoughts. If I am ‘here’ with you enjoy the time. And if you go ‘there’ with me enjoy the journey. And, if you stay in the ‘here’ do not fret for I shall always be your friend. Its just time for me to move on to the next ‘there’, and know that at some point our future ‘theres’ will cross, and we will be ‘here’ together again my friend.