Explanation of the Stimulus Payment
Uncategorized February 14th, 2009This was from an email I got from Mom. (Thanks Mom!) Personally, I am very against this Stimulus Plan. It doesn’t solve the problem. Personally, I think its a fricken joke. (And, I don’t qualify for it even though I am unemployed at the moment) While this is humorous, it does have some truth to it.
Sometime this year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:
Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
“A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers. ”
Q. Where will the government get this money?
“A. From taxpayers. ”
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
“A. No, they are borrowing it from China . Your children are expected to repay the Chinese.”
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy. ”
Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China ?
“A. Shut up.”
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China .
If you spend it on gasoline it will go to Hugo Chavez, the Middle East and Al Qaeda
If you purchase a computer it will go to Taiwan.
If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, Chile, and Guatemala.
If you buy a car it will go to Japan and Korea .
If you purchase prescription drugs it will go to India
If you purchase heroin it will go to the Taliban in Afghanistan
If you give it to a charitable cause, it will go to Nigeria .
And none of it will help the American economy.We need to keep that money here in America. You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.
February 14th, 2009 at 6:04 pm
Tru dat yo! You know that stimulus check they mailed to everyone last year? It was based on your 2007 tax year. That was the year we didn’t earn anything and I had brain surgery (kinda expensive, I don’t recommend it unless you absolutely have to have it) so we earned like nothing that year. So you know how much of that stimulus check we got? Zero, we got nothing. We were too poor to be eligible to get a check to help the sagging economy. Because, you know, we wouldn’t spend it? Sure right I gotcha. Same as you, since you are unemployed and obviously not going to spend that money if you were given it right? Stupid useless government.